I’ve always felt responsible for everyone else pain, while never fully dealing with my own.
The A typical black woman- struggling with the idealism of love and the realism of loneliness, pain, disappointment, and betrayal.

I once took pride in being the strong one, but is that all I am to you? Your backbone, your rock, or am I just your stepping stone? When you fall I can lift you up; when your hungry I can feed you, when your broke I can fix you “oh baby here’s few dollars til you get your check; and when the world has beat you down you can beat me……down. So far down that you feel dominant and for the first time in life you’re in control of yourself. Is that’s all I am? Is that what we are?

I’ve been so strong for so long that I don’t remember how to Love anymore. To Trust anymore not even for second do I believe in your happily ever-after. After all the **** we’ve been through. After the **** you did and the **** I’ll do to get back at you for hurting me using me, abusing me, accusing me; Loving me? Do you love me?
I don’t remember how it’s supposed to feel. Am I supposed to feel like this?
Lost and hopeless, Am I suppose to hold it all in and never tell anyone not even my girls? “Naw don’t be listening to those bitches!”

Oh now I remember- I’m not allowed to cry- I’m not allowed to be vulnerable- not ever…you hate it when I’m so needy huh? But all I needed was some words of encouragement. I just need to hear you say it sometimes. Remember when u told me that? Or was you high? High as you used to make me feel when you said you loved me; you needed me - even though I’d never show it.

Crying and feeling sorry for yourself…Girl please-U made your bed so U got to lie in it!
I got to lie in it? How long do I have to live this lie with you? It already seems like forever that u been lying to me and I’ve been lying to myself.
Am I supposed to feel like this?

Now my stilettos and MAC lip-gloss are the only things that make me feel feminine, sexy, desired, admired.
Am I supposed to feel like this?

I once took pride in being the strong one.
Now I feel weak.
I feel consumed with your needs-your wants –your desires.

Can you be my backbone? My rock. Can you be my stepping stone?
When I fall can you lift me up; when I’m hungry can you feed me, when I’m broke can you fix me?

And now that the world has beaten me down...
Will you protect me? Will you be there? Will you sacrifice everything for me?
Will you show me how love is supposed to feel?

Do you still remember?